NOTES FROM PIPEY'S CORNER

Volume VIII Number 2 - August 2001

NEW JOB, NEW BLOODY DUTIES, YES, YES, IT'S BRIDGET HERE....

Ed. Note: we've decided to let our new employee, Bridget Fraser, write this month's column with excerpts from her July diary:

Tuesday 17th 9 am: Annoyance units - 15; times I wish I'd gone back home - 22; times I've wanted to call Mum 8; times called 0

Sorry about the title but am v. unchuffed at having to write this column whilst the BOSS takes time for birthday, snogging w. wife, and being generally most inattentive to things since I came into the picture. BTW I am new Jill-of-all-trades Bridget, and I thought this was going to be semi-v. glamorous retail job (low pay but high profile in community) but NO, am stuck here in damp and dank basement office filing and trying to make sense of all this mess.

9.30: Annoyance units 0; Coffee units 2; Calories 3,000 - must STOP getting almond croissants from bakery!

Emailed suppliers. Emailed creditors. Wrote checks. Straightened out flap over Program Ad for Pleasanton with v. nice man from Callie Club; great surprise after last person - real stuffy type with large stick up bum. Mrs. Boss (Karen) says not to worry. Wrote messages on newsgroup; seems there's an utter wanker named Bill who can't open his mouth without sticking his willie in it. Must be the result of Southern Inbreeding or something like that. they say Appalachia has v. deleterious effects on the mind, causing massive ingestion of alcohol and prescription drugs, causing serious problems whilst hitchhiking. JUST SAY NO! to stupidity. Must find this person and convince him that self-help books are the way to Inner Peace. Or not. he's probably just a wanker.

10 am: Annoyance units 35; coffee units 3

Got response from wanker on newsgroup; obviously in need of psychotherapy, although his signature says he has a 'shrink.' Perhaps a roll of Saran Wrap wound tightly round his head would solve problem, or improve his appearance. Mailed money to Scotland - there's goes paycheck this week.

5 pm: Chuff units 16; coffee units 0; alcohol units 3

Spoke to salesmen and made orders. WON'T be happy if BOSS dislikes choices; he'll probably make me buy them or staple them to my bum or something. Oh, well, won't need to Christmas shop this year. Spent over a thousand quid of Iain's money for him. Heehee! I DID buy the good stuff! Wish I could have bought more. Got titles for CD order; make sure they don't ship backorders from last January, as BOSS will blow stack.

Wed. 18th 9.21am: Annoyance units -50; coffee units 4; Calories - almost nil

Got email from newsgroup lurker about yesterday's wanker; BOSS will be so pleased! Also wanker apologised to BOSS this a.m. on ng - V. chuffed about that. Iain is looking like cat that got the cream. Spent yesterday eve browsing Living Life At The Workplace and saying helpful mantras using canntairreachd. Becoming fluent in piper's nonsense language and causing rude looks in restaurants.

2.19 pm: Feeling Silly units 25; calories 1800

Am making progress against wanker once more. After brilliant NG repartee I gorged on burgers, feeling quite please w. self. When wanker replied in silly manner, fired back V. witty insult/slam WAY beyond his level. Rec'd orders in post, trying to make headway into this Abyss of chaotic filing. Must avoid NG as it's V. addictive and prevents further progress againt the Deluge.

Thursday 26th 3.30 pm: Annoyance units 12; coffee units 3

Have spent week re-formatting web pages at GREAT expense of hair; cannot understand how Iain can just post these things on the web in such haphazard manner. Have avoided wanker on NG except for matter of ivory wh. everyone knows is ridiculous publicity stunt by government that doesn't give a rat's ass. Am getting feedback from customers re: new attitude in shop. Hope this isn't all for naught....

Friday 27th 5.19pm:

Spent day waiting for strange person known to all and sundry as 'Stimpy' - character from inane Yank cartoon show - and whilst waiting discovered that there are 72 bloody pages on this website! No wonder the directory is crowded! Spent some time consolidating files & reducing # of pages on site. Went with 'Stimpy' to Costco and bought food for Blowout tomorrow.

Sunday 29th 10am: Alcohol units: unknown; Calories: 5000 (approx.)

Blowout was fun, even if half the people didn't make it. MUCH r. wine consumed by all - must remember to NOT drink 'fresh squeezed screwdriver' before lunch time, even if on weekend. Wonderful playing from Black Part - really V. nice fellow. Went off to beach during dull interlude & took pictures. Great meal & pipe playing; Stimpy has INTERESTING neighbors - quite a mix - I never knew that La Honda was so culturally diverse!

Monday 30th; alcohol units: nil and staying that way!; Calories nil!

V. disturbing news about Prince Charles Pipe Band. Seems RSPBA has done the dirty and relegated them to Gr. II at World's in two weeks. How many times do they have to win in Gr. II before they get promoted in Scotland? V. poor politics on the part of Mr. Shepard & cronies! Question - Will Prince Charles (and their sponsor Portland Brewing) put up with this, or will they rightfully boycott??? We'll know soon enough!

BLACK PART SPEAKS:

It seems that the WUSPBA has an opportunity to assist the RSPBA in correcting it's recent mistake regarding the grading of the Prince Charles Pipe Band into Grade II for the World's. Since Mr. Hossack, and perhaps Mr. Blandford will be at the World's, they should be able to see to it that the mistake is corrected. I look forward to a detailed report from the WUSPBA's elected officers as to what affirmative actions they took.  I also expect a positive outcome on this matter on behalf of the PCPB. Good Luck to all bands at the World's. Play your best and have a great time.

Update Aug. 10:

The WUSPBA has failed to get the RSPBA to correct an obvious error. The Prince Charles Pipe Band, winner of the 2000 Grade II World's, will not be allowed to compete in Grade I this year. It is my sincerest prayer that Bruce Woodley and his band WINS Grade II again this year; and by a margin so great that there is no doubt that they are a GREAT Grade I Band. 

The lack of communication prior to the RSPBA's decisions cannot be overlooked. Up to now, most USPBA bands have ASSUMED there has been some communication between the WUSPBA and the RSPBA. Obviously there hasn't been! This is inexcusable, particularly with WUSPBA member band travelling annually to compete at the World's. Valiant attempts were made, I'm sure, but the facts of the matter are that they were too little, and too late.

When was the last time, prior to the present problem, that any communications from the WUSPBA to the RSPBA took place? When was the last time that any elected officer of the WUSPBA actually travelled to Scotland to meet with the RSPBA? When members look to find the causes of the present problem, they need not look any further than the people who have been running the WUSPBA for the past few years. These people have done little more than occupy elected offices, while doing DAMN LITTLE! Clearly it is time for some changes! But how do the members hold the elected officers of the WUSPBA accountable? THEY CAN'T!!! No wonder not many go to the AGM. And no wonder the RSPBA gives us the STIFF ARM. WE'VE EARNED IT!!

BLACK PART

until next month . . . .