NOTES FROM PIPEY'S CORNER

Volume VI Number 1; July 2000

IS IT THE FLUORIDE?

Just heard that some major gaffes occurred at games recently. Seems that at the San Diego venue a certain band's highly-esteemed Tone Czar held them back until they were twelve minutes late getting to the line; the band was ALLOWED TO COMPETE, and they won! Protests have been filed! Then, at Campbell, the esteemed Ensemble Judge missed counting the number of snares in a drum corps - there was only one - and the band was not disqualified!

So, what's the problem here? Could it be that fluoridation has affected the mental processes? Can't count? Can't tell time? Hmmm. Sounds like another episode of 'Sheep.'

SUMMERTIME

...and the living's supposed to be easy. I've got a lot of weddings this month, so my doctor will be happy to get paid.

Just a few words of wisdom from an Olde Fart - DON'T BREAK ANYTHING! It WILL come back and haunt you as you get older. In a couple of months I'm going to have my first shoulder operation, something I'm not really anticipating with joy. Guess I've gotten lazy or something, but degenerative bone disorders aren't exactly my favourite thing.

Speaking of nuptial events, here are a few tips on playing at weddings:

First, get ALL the details - time, place, what the dress code is, just exactly what they want YOU to do, and, most important, your fee. DON'T undercharge; remember you have to include depreciation and cleaning on your kit, pipe maintenance, and time on the road in your fee. You are a PROFESSIONAL musician when you get paid for playing - learn to act like one. Make up a basic boilerplate contract if you feel it's necessary - some people will flake out on you.

This does NOT mean you can get an agent, put on 'airs,' and become a prima donna! Leave that for the Tone Czars.

Second, go over the music with the client. Many people don't know the difference between a practice chanter and pipes, so be careful to explain these details. Play several possible tunes for processional, recessional, and incidental music. If they ask for 'Amazing Grace,' shake your head and tell them you only play that at funerals. 'Briagh Loch Eil,' 'Bonny Argyll,' 'Mist Covered Mountains,' and 'Fair Maid of Barra' are good processionals - nice melodic airs that lend themselves to a trip down the aisle. For the recessional, 'Highland Wedding' is the best - at six parts it gets the whole bridal party out of the church (or whatever). If the six part tune is beyond you, go for 'Mary's Wedding,' 'Murdo's Wedding,' or 'My Love She's But A Lassie Yet.' Incidental music - Burns tunes are good here; there are several in the Scots Guards collections. Often the people hiring you have NO IDEA what pipe music is all about. Gently but firmly steer them away from 'Scotland the Brave' or other pipe band standards. Tell them you want to play something nice for them - and demonstrate.

If band tunes are all you know - go ahead and play what you know! It is a good idea to get some good wedding tunes - and some good funeral tunes (you can use some of them for both) under your belt if you want to do this on a regular basis. Remember, if you look sharp, sound good, and act in a professional manner, you'll get referrals. If you're late, goof off, slouch, and play poorly, YOU WON'T! The attitude of 'hey, it's only fifty bucks' will come back and bite you on the butt.

One thing - and it's very important - have the couple check with the church to make sure pipes are OK inside the church. Some churches are adamant about NOT having pipers inside. DON"T FORGET to ask for a tuning room, or tuning area away from the action. If your presence is a surprise, make sure you're out of sight - and earshot.

If you're playing the couple into the reception, a good 6/8 like 'Cock O' the North' is nice - people even occasionally get the pun. Incidental music - airs, marches, jigs, whatever you feel like. You MAY have to tell people that Mendelsohnn doesn't translate to pipes; you can't play 'Here Comes The Bride' or The Wedding March from 'Midsummer Night's Dream.'

When the day arrives, make sure your kit is clean, silver polished, pipes in good order (NOTHING stupider than technical problams at a gig - carry spares), you have EXACT directions if you don't know where you're going. Get there EARLY. Go over any last minute details. Tune up. Tune again. Play at the appropriate times and look important when you're not playing. You'll get your picture taken - a lot. After you're done playing, collect your fee, and LEAVE. It's not a good idea to hang around boozing with people who don't know you - unless they want you to play more. If you do stay, be sure it's to play, not just to party. There's nothing worse than ruining your reputation with poor behavior. Finish up, take the money, thank the people who hired you, and go home. I know the temptation to stay and drink is great, but, remember, it's THEIR party not yours. You probably don't know many, if any, of the people there. If you do, that's another matter, but in that case you're probably not getting paid! Keep a professional attitude at all time, and you'll be respected for it.

Carry business cards - you'll hand out several at each gig. Answer the dumb questions about your kilt, your pipes, whatever; you might get an aspiring piper out of it. Be nice to the people, no matter how silly they get - and some of them will get extremely silly.

JUST FOR LAUGHS - I just played a wedding in San Francisco - out at Eagle's Point near Lincoln Park - a very nice but extremely cold spot for a ceremony. When one of the local homeless hung around to see what all these guys in kilts were doing there, the Scottish mother of the groom asked innocently, "Is it customary to have a tramp at a wedding here?" One of the young ladies in attendance reddened rather visibly, as she was wearing much less (a tube dress) than the weather advised (as a matter of fact she was VERY blue until my wife lent her a wrap). Proves that some terms don't translate well into American... tramp, tramp, tramp!

Ennyhoo, we look forward to seeing you at Dunsmuir on the 8th and 9th - I'll be hanging with 'Bydand' and the St. Andrews Society, with the 'mini pipe shop' in tow!

I.S.

BLACK PART SPEAKS -

The Piper's Challenge held this past June 3rd in Modesto, CA was a GREAT success. Congratulations to Mr. Gary Speed who helped with most of the work on this event, as well as the other members of the Stanislaus County Sheriff's Pipe Band, and the St. Andrews Society in Modesto. I could tell, as a competitor that this event would be extraordinary when I saw the rules. Yes, there were rules! Rule #1: There are no rules! Rule #2: Have Fun! Every single piper that played; every single listener in the audience had a great time. The venue was excellent: under many large trees next to the Toulemme River. The heat bothered none. All the competitors turned in good performances. Megarity's was especially memorable: He just blew us all away. Cotter's was solid with a fine finish in second place. G.T. (Glen Thompson), dazzled us with his "alternate" fingerings, and was third. Black Part, (John Partanen) crashed and burned on the last tune of his set but promises to play more pipes and less politics and do better next year. Again, congratulations to all for a fine day. It just goes to show that we don't need a bunch of silly rules to have a contest, put on a good show, and to have fun doing it.

AAARRRRGH for the Scottish Main, me buckos!

John Eric Partanen Ph.D.

until next month....